The One Thing I'd Never Say
by outlandishoutsider
Summary: Dining with the devil was the last thing she wanted to do tonight. Manipulative, cruel, and dealing with anger issues, Nightwing has come with a plan to reel her back in. Kori knows there is only one way out. Only three simple words stand in the way.


So…I've been thinking (deadly, I know) and was just wondering about the dynamics and role of Starfire's innocence/inexperience in the Rob/Star relationship. I mean in the cartoons, it seems that a major part of Robin's love comes from this quality and is what makes her, well her. What if she lost her naïve ways after her many years on earth (which would ultimately happen)? Would it make Robin love her less, maybe not at all? And then there's Robin's tendency to be a bit controlling in the relationship… Here's how I see it…

Disclaimer: Do not own TT.

**The One Thing I'd Never Say**

"So…"

The turning of the crystal glass in my hand stopped at his voice, though the golden liquid in it continued to swirl. I stared hard at it, willing for it to cease, much like this never-ending "date". I could only compare it to my own hanging, but someone was refusing to kick the chair out from under me. He was dragging it out so that I could see the error of my evil ways. Or rather, to prove his superiority.

I still gazed, not amused. "So?"

I dared a peek past the rim as the masked man frowned hard and continued to drum his fingers on the white tablecloth. Looking hastily back, I found the champagne had lazily finished its spin cycle and sighed, placing in gently down as if the slightest touch would break it. Readjusting the stem, I slipped in back into its ordinal position, along with my arms crossed against my chest.

Three…two…one…

The expected sigh stung my ears.

"Kori," he stated sternly.

My eyes shot up and narrowed. "Dick."

Now I was just being a smartass. He held the urge not to yell at me as the slight twitch of a grimace came and went too quickly.

I wholeheartedly blame the team for this one. It was basically their last-ditch effort to stop the internal strife between us, which was literally tearing the group in two. Whether one was Team Starfire or Team Nightwing, both agreed on one thing: we needed either to split up for good or work things out. So the date was made, assuming that we wouldn't fight in a public place, and they prayed that the always smiling and happy couple Starfire and Nightwing might return in the setting of glowing candlelight and a spaghetti noodle kiss. It was enough to make me sick.

"Listen, I know things have been rough between us…" he began calmly and I blinked a few times, returning from my thoughts. I gazed blankly and waited for anything I hadn't heard before. He disappointed. "But know we can work it out. I can change for the better and —"

I swear making empty promises was like breathing to him.

"Richard," I said sternly, getting angry at his stupid mind games and held up a hand. "Save it. Save all the bullshit your about to tell me because I know how this works. You promise things and as soon as you get your way, you don't do any of it. Spare me of listening to you beg because the answer is going to be 'no'."

I swore I could hear a growl come from him as I reached for my water and took a sip. I pointedly looked around at the other occupied tables, making sure they were not in hearing distance before hand when I called him by his real name. Now I was glad for other reasons.

His act all washed away, the real Nightwing started to come out. He threatened, "Kori, you know that isn't going to fly with me. We have been together far too long and have been through too much to just to throw it away. Whether you like it or not, one of these days you are going to say 'yes' because you want me back."

So sure of himself he was, but he was also right. It indeed happened this way time and time again as I crawled back to him far more times than he did to me. He had me trapped in an ugly lie I was too afraid to break free off. He knew all too well as he threw me a cocky smirk.

About to rip my cloth napkin in half, the appearance of arm balancing a platter of food blocked my perfect death glare. The plate now placed in front of him, Dick's face resurfaced with more pleasant features. He turned away from me in the slightest and looked at ease. It was only to save face, but he looked genuine once again, even to me. My heart ached.

I shook my head. _Don't get suckered back in, _I scolded myself.

"Thank you," he spoke to the waiter and smiled with what would have appeared as appreciative. A steaming bowl was now set in front of me as well and I continued to watch with earnest curiosity. He was a good actor, easily switching his true feels for the appropriate ones. He could effortlessly catch someone with his false charm and handsome face. I decided anyone really could fall for it, especially young naïve girls… Someone as stupid as me.

I felt sick the instant the server left, apparently also taking along Nightwing's grand façade. He frowned down upon me as I attempted to avoid his glance by making eye contact with my angel hair pasta.

"Why are we even doing this, Richard?" I whispered harshly, knowing well enough why he was here. But why was I? Why was I continually putting myself it in situations like this?

"Because I know you want to be with me," he said simply, using the same argument. He wanted it hammered in my head. _You need me, Starfire. _

Just as I went to brush away the oncoming waterworks, he reached over and took my hand his. His finger stroked the underside of my palm, making me uneasy and igniting my fury once again. I pulled away without much of a struggle, now wiping under my eyes irritably.

"Leave me alone."

I closed my eyes in the palms of my hands and stayed that way for what I hoped was an awkwardly long time, feeling his stare on my face. I ignored the urge to peek until my aggravation won out, my lids sliding open and hands slipping away. I broke the silence with the truth.

"Whether it's true I want to be with you or not, it's still a matter of what is truly good for me," I snapped, my thoughts coming out carelessly and without thought. "I need more than just a pat on the hand in public to make things better again. I need someone who is stable enough to just talk to me, have a smile on his face, and accept me for who I am now. Most importantly, a man who I am not afraid will come home and hurt me with his words because I think that his fists might soon follow," I stated, accusing him of what I thought was the inevitable. His mask twitched involuntarily. I continued, not missing a beat. "Since I don't think that is even remotely possible, I think—"

"Enough!"

I jumped and I bit my tongue after that, almost tasting blood.

It is quite a rare and momentous occasion when someone can get the emotionless slate Nightwing to blush. Right now, he was a shade of red that was similar to my hair. Creeping up his neck steadily, I truly felt scared he would do something rash, like throw the table across the room. I waited an eternity before his grip loosened on the table and fell back onto his lap.

"Enough," he breathed more quietly this time, his teeth on edge. "That is quite enough, Starfire."

I just stared for the longest time, the only sound being the clatter of a fork on my plate. His back straightened a bit and he leaned back but nothing else happened. No apology. Nothing.

Strangely disappointed and with a new wave of nausea, I backed my chair up and swept my purse over my shoulder and started to get up from the table.

"We are not done here, Kori," he hissed as I passed, about to get up himself. "Don't be stupid."

I gave him a hard look when he tried to grab my forearm and narrowly missed his reach. Thankfully, I fled past him and the other tables with quick enough speed that I did not see him trialing, knowing it was only a matter of time before he picked up the chase.

I took a sharp left before the main entrance where hosts were greeting new guests and instead went into the swinging doors. The bright white surfaces had me squinting as I nearly ran into a food tray.

"Hey, you're not allowed in—"

I mumbled a quick apology and shoved my way through the waiter and to the back kitchen door, out into the alley.

Slamming the door behind me, I just breathed shallowly as I pushed my back against it, hoping it was enough to keep me alone for at least a few moments and collect my thoughts.

I cannot believe I actually agreed to that bullshit. My words were ugly, his actions that started them, hideous and unthinkable. Just by saying those words, I had released a massive amount of pent up anger and fear. It felt… good. But the idea behind them, made me want puke.

Would I actually stick around long enough to see if he would lay a hand on me? I really didn't know. Truthfully, I feared for it like nothing else, as it would be the day I would not stay with him. It was the one thing that I could not tolerate, as it was the ultimate disrespect. But far worse than that, it would make him a criminal. That's why he had gotten so furious, the slightest comparison or mention of Slade sending him on edge. He wanted to be the hero so bad that he obsessively thought about them, maybe started to even think _like _them.

I thought bitterly, jokingly, _Damn you, Batman._

I stood there a while longer and just breathed. My heartbeat long ago steadied, I was still quite reluctant to move from my perch but was now blocking an employee's way to the dumpster. Now I bobbed down the alley, over the many interlocking bricks, until bummed I into the moon soaked bay that just barely penetrated the city. I set myself down, the sound of heels clacking being the only thing present as I made my way over to the rail. I leaned over it, my head in my hands, and just felt the mist brush my too hot skin.

I caught sight of the Tower first, right dab center of an island oasis within the sights of the city. Wondering briefly what the others were doing but hesitant to the temptation, I decided it was best to stay and enjoy this moment. The ending of this evening was inescapable, so I did something I hadn't in while: I dreamt. And I wished and prayed and hoped. I did all the silly things that I used to do and I waited.

It still didn't add up to anything. It still didn't work.

I resorted to not thinking about anything and I wandered like a dream in the depths of the water until I was retched up by an unannounced cough.

I looked up but nothing else. The famous mask glowered in the shadows.

I huffed in annoyance.

Was I supposed to be shocked that he found me? All dramatic with me *gasp* wondering what he was doing here and asking 'how on earth did you find me'? I didn't think so, though it was probably the reaction he was hoping for.

Instead, I whispered, "Was my storming out not clear enough for you? I want to be alone."

He stepped so I could see slightly better, the half of him still cut by the darkness. I stared at him straight on, willing for him to give in just once.

Instead, he spoke but with a softness that surprised me, as he hadn't spoken to me like that for what seemed like years.

"I just want to know what's happened to us. All that happened back there, I want to make it right. I'm sorry, but…" He breathed, now close enough to brush a stray strand from my face. I shivered in shock, wanting to believe like before. He lowered his head, now close enough to brush cheeks. "You've changed so much, Star."

My eye lifted incredulously.

If only his word choice matched his tone.

So hyped up on emotions, my head snapped back and the stupidity of it nearly had me rolling on the floor with bitter and humorless laughter. I held it to a few soft chuckles and threw in an eye roll for good measure. This …_thing _was truly ridiculous.

"What?" he barked, getting possessive now, only slightly backing off. He gave me the 'see this is what I'm talking about' look combined with the 'you're unbelievable!' stare.

I angled my hips, placing my hands firmly on them and returned the favor.

"I've changed? Just because I'm not that stupid and naïve girl you once knew doesn't mean you can blame me for all of this," I spoke agitatedly and gesturing to myself. Clearly exasperated, I raked a hand through my hair and sighed. I talked almost pleadingly now, trying to break through with an effort to save the rest of our sanities. "We grew up, Richard. That's all that happened. I finally took to earth's ways and you to Nightwing. Somewhere along the way I think we just lost ourselves. I haven't been happy and you haven't been happy in what feels like years. Maybe—"

_Maybe it wasn't meant to be, _I thought.

I took a deep breath and stopped myself from saying too much, knowing this was never going to end. No matter how hard I fought and battled, whether with words or physically, to him I had virtually become nothing but his plaything.

"Maybe what?" he asked, still pressing the issue.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"Maybe if I hadn't become Nightwing that it would have been alright? Is that what you're saying?" He was almost yelling now, not getting anything I was saying. It was never his fault, just mine.

"Richard, Robin, Nightwing….it doesn't matter!" I began to shout almost hysterically. Having the last word catch in my throat, a sob broke through my once snide composure. "I don't love whoever you are now. In fact, it feels quite the opposite." I regretted not saying the words but the truth to them.

I buried myself within my own my mind, my hands guarding my face. Needing to get away, shuffled back a step only to caught by unwelcomed arms.

"You don't really mean that, Star," he whispered into my ear, coiling around me like a snake.

No. No. No. No.

I knew this trick far too well, the thought of being dragged back in causing great distaste. I waited for that one moment when the twinge of desire I had always possessed banged within my ribcage, stirring every time I thought about leaving him for good. It was ultimately always my downfall.

I took in the smell of his cologne and feel of his tux, still waiting.

Usually_ I love him! _Would be screaming throughout my mind but now it was a faint _I once loved him _that rang free.

All those years wasted for this moment and now I realize that I had been blinded by the thing he cherished the most: my innocence and lack of knowledge.

My once scrawny yet kind and teaching friend had transformed into a menacing and controlling man once I had asked less and less of his assistance. Somewhat independent of him, he went on his own way, searching for Slade, planning his next move, whatever he did in the bedroom of his. And like a fool I would try to lure him out only to be shot down time after time. Only when he craved physical affections did he beckon me. And I complied thinking it would help.

Until it didn't .

I stopped after that. After countless disappointment and wasted tears, after lying in his bed, vulnerable, as he walked away without a word to go to training. After I mourned Robin, the battle had begun.

Now here we are with his hand in my hair, the other on my waist. Once, very alluring but now different. The same embrace I had felt and had craved so many years ago had changed.

Now, it felt absolutely…wrong.

It was finally time to let go.

"Yes, I do."

I pushed roughly against his chest and backed up a few steps, turning to make an exit back up the alley.

"Then say it, Star," he shouted at my back. "Tell me what you said before to my face and we can leave it at that. Then at least I will finally know the truth."

He was daring me, challenging me. He thought I was going to give in like every single time he bent my wrist at an odd angle. My chance at finally pulling free had come.

This was the last time I would ever play his game again.

No sign of rage or misery lined my face as I turned to face him in what looked like defeat, already the corner of his mouth lifting.

Closing my mouth delicately, I shook my head in a slight 'no'.

I stated the words simply, just like the first 'I love you' that had every slipped through my lips. The one thing I thought I would never say slipped out. It was just that easy.

"I hate you."

* * *

Yeah… so basically I think without her innocence to bring him back to reality, his mind and emotions would harden and they would end up in a pretty screwed up relationship. I may be wrong but… what do you think? Comments, whether positive or otherwise are welcome.


End file.
